What gives with the remakes?

When it comes to remakes, the Angry Nintendo Nerd says it best: "What a load of fuck." 

But America thinks the exact opposite. I can't begin to name all of the unnecessary remakes that are happening, so I'll pick five movies that are most likely going to boom into theatres, stealing everyone's money and proving why America is dumber than a pile of diarrhea dump. 

1. The Taking of Pelham 123 

This Tony Scott-directed remake of the Walter Matthau classic stars Denzel Washington and John Travolta. Judging by the preview, there are no differences between this film and its predecessor. Except for the fact that Travolta will ask for a couple billion instead of a few million. And then there's Tony Scott's direction—it makes me want to puke. His editor has the attention span of a gnat on meth. This guy hasn't made a good movie since ever. 

2. Arthur

Granted, I've never seen the original Dudley Moore romp, but anything that replaces the always funny Moore with the obnoxious Russell Brand is unnecessary in my book. Why don't we just write an original script for Moore? Are the guys who wrote My Best Friend's Girl busy? 

3. Robin Hood

You may know this one as Nottingham. The Ridley Scott-directed period tale starring Russell Crowe as the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin Hood. Interesting? Yes, but still how many Robin Hood movies must a man sit through? No actor will ever top Alan Rickman as the Sheriff. 

And I don't get why Crowe and Washington consistently do films with the Scotts. Why do they feel indebted to these guys? The only thing the Scotts do is consistently show their best films were flukes. 

4. Total Recall 

Ain't It Cool News just reported this one today. Prediction: this adaptation will star Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez, and will be directed by Rob Cohen of XXX fame. Paul Walker will make a guest appearance, and John Leguizamo will be the villain who likes to eat rats from the toilet. 

Laugh now, but it will happen. 

5. Clue

Great! A remake of a film based on a board game which will probably be directed by Gore Verbinski of Mouse Hunt fame. 

What's that the crowds say? "But he directed Pirates of the Carribean!"

To which I respond, "You're right. That movie was based on a ride. And if you can tell me what happens in the third one, I'll give you $5."

Until then, I stand, grimacing at the very thought of these films being released. What a load of fuck indeed.  

Cody's 2008 Oscar Predictions

These are my 2008 Oscar picks. This is what I think will win, not what I want to win.I will give my opinion on my favorites of the year.

Best Picture-Slumdog Millionaire. I haven't seen The Reader yet, but I have seen everything else. It's a shame because Slumdog is a average film and the worse of the nominations. IGNORED: Doubt, The Wrestler, Wall-E, and Revolutionary Road are far superior films than anything nominated.

Best Actor-Mickey Rourke. I think Sean Penn has a chance, but the Academy likes comebacks more than gays. I haven't seen the Visitor, but Mick gives the best performance of the nominated and of the year. IGNORED: The Academy hates Leo for some reason, and his performance in Revolutionary Road is his best since The Aviator. Josh Brolin was also great in W.

Best Actress- Meryl Streep. The only two films I have seen in this category were Doubt and Rachel Getting Married. Hathaway does a great job, but Streep gives one of the best performances of her career. Streep makes Doubt a great movie and hopefully she will win. IGNORED: Kate Winslet got nominated for the wrong film. Her performance in Revolutionary Road was the only performance this year that rivaled Streeps.

Best Supporting Actor- Heath Ledger. Every year this is the best catagory, and this year is no different. I loved every performance, but thought Hoffman, Shannon and Ledger were all equally great in their own way. When he died a year ago I said Ledger would win before seeing the film. I saw the film and he did a great job. IGNORED: Comedy is hard and I would like to have seen Adam Scott get a nomination for Step Brothers or Clooney for Burn After Reading.

Best Supporting Actress- Viola Davis. Everyone did a good job in this catagory, but Viola, Tomei, and Amy Adams were the stand outs for the nominations. I will be happy if any of these ladies would win. IGNORED: One of the best performances of the year was Rosemarie DeWitt in Rachel Getting Married. She is amazing and got hosed!

Best Director- Danny Boyle. This is probably the weakest catagory of the year. The only one who deserves the award that was nominated is Gus Van Sant for Milk. The Academy is a year too late for Fincher. IGNORED: Pick one: Aronofsky for The Wrestler, John Patrick Shanley for Doubt, Sam Mendes for Rev.Road, Coens for Burn, McKay for Step Brothers, Andrew Stanton for Wall-E, Nolan for Dark Knight, Demme for Rachel Getting Married, and hell even Favreau for Iron Man. These are better than what was nominated.

Original Screenplay- Milk. This movie has to win something. I prefer Wall-E and will be happy if it does win. Milk and Wall-E are the only films nominated that I have seen and Wall-E is one of the best screenplays of the year. IGNORED:The comedies again Step Brothers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc and the Wrestler.

Adapted Screenplay-Slumdog Millionaire. I really hope Doubt wins this catagory because it is the best screenplay of the year. IGNORED: Revolutionary Road is probably the 2nd best script of the year. It is a shame how this film got shut out.

Best Cinematography- The Reader. This is the second weakest catagory of the year. I haven't seen The Reader, but it's Deakins and it's WWII and you know it looks good. I haven't seen The Changeling, but The Dark Knight is my second pick in this weak crop of films. IGNORED: Dean Semler for Appaloosa, Harris Savides for Milk, Colin Watkinson for The Fall and Roger Deakins for Doubt and Revolutionary Road. Deakins is the best Cinematographer in films right now. He had 2 films nominated last year and lost and got ignored twice this year and still has a film up for nomination.

Editing- Slumdog Millionaire. Usually, but not always, whatever wins editing wins Best Picture. I am pulling for The Dark Knight, but I think Milk deserves it also. IGNORED: Same stuff I've been saying Revolutionary Road,Doubt, The Wrestler, etc. I also think Man On Wire and Harvard Beats Yale 29-29 needed to be in there.

Art Direction- Revolutionary Road. Sadly this may be the only award this film will win. The Duchess may also win because it takes place in the times of powdered wigs. IGNORED: Appaloosa, Doubt, Milk and mostly The Fall.

Costumes- The Duchess. Same as above. Powdered Wigs and Ball Dresses always win.

Make-Up- Benjamin Button. Easy, nothing else came close this year.

Original Score-Wall-E. Slumdog and Ben Button have a good chance too. IGNORED: The Dark Knight, the best score of the year.

Best Song-Jai-Ho. The end dance scene in Slumdog is one of the best parts of the film. It's the only time the audience is allowed to be happy. IGNORED: Boats and Ho's and Sweet Child Of Mine both from Step Brothers. I also loved Little Person by Jon Brion and Deanna Story from Synecdoche, New York.

Sound- Wall-E. Wall-E is almost a silent film so sound carries the movie. Dark Knight has a chance, but it will just plain be wrong if Wall-E loses. Nothing sound wise can touch this film this year.

Sound Editing- Wall-E. Same as above. All Hail Ben Burtt!

Visual Effects- Benjamin Button. This film is ground breaking, everything else this year is in Ben Button's shadow. Not once does the aging process look ridicules. The Visual Effects is the sole reason Brad Pitt was nominated for best actor, because his appearance is the only thing that changed during the entire movie.

Animated Film- Wall-E. I haven't seen Panda or Bolt, but they weren't nominated for best screenplay so this one is in the bag.

Foreign Film- Waltz With Bashir. I haven't seen any of these nominated films. I have heard good things about Bashir and nothing about the others.

Documentary Film- Man On Wire. Man On Wire is a amazing film and I hope it wins. I haven't seen the other nominated films, but look out for Trouble The Water. It's about Katrina and may get a few votes. IGNORED: Harvard Beats Yale 29-29, best Doc. of the year.

Documentary Short Film- The Witness From The Balcony Of Room 306. Haven't seen any of these, and Room 306 is about the assassination of MLK. Winner. IGNORED: Renke Slate

Short Film Animated- Presto. Why not. This Way up is my 2nd choice.

Short Live Action- Speilzeugland. One word:Nazi's. Nuff said. IGNORED: Straight and Narrow

Thats it. If you got this far then I am proud of you and thank you for your patience.

I'M STUCK ON A FROZEN RIVER AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS READ TO ME

I don't know much about this year's Academy Award nominees for most of the categories. I will be the first to admit that I haven't even seen Frost/Nixon or The Reader and I really have no interest in them. What's the point? 2008 is over and all I've got to show for it is a list of favorites that weren't even in the movie theaters for more than a weekend (except for New York and LA). As far as the nominees themselves, the only group that really bothers me is the acting. There are some choices that are utterly mind boggling compared to some of the other performances that I have seen this year. Like I said, I haven't seen everything, but I've seen enough.

Take the Best Actor category for instance. I have no problem with Sean Penn or Mickey Rourke. Sean Penn is brilliant as Harvey Milk and Rourke puts on a tour de force in The Wrestler which is deserved of this award. I understand and appreciate putting up Richard Jenkins for the award because of all his service rendered as a talented character actor who finally got his chance. The thing that gets me in his case is that he deserves better than a straight laced white guy who learns how to play a drum from some whacky foreigners as his best actor moment. And I like Brad Pitt a lot as an actor and even respect what he has done over the past years lending his name to some films that would have never even been made unless he was involved. But this isn't a popularity contest and they shouldn't throw him a nomination just because he's a cool guy. You're the Oscars for God's sake! If we're gonna do it this way, throw every guy's name into the hat and we'll text in our vote. The Best Actor then assuredly going to Zac Efron for his performance in High School Movie 3. 

Then there is the Best Actress category. Again, I have no problem with some of them. I think Ann Hathaway was superb in Rachel Getting Married and Meryl Streep should win hands down for her mesmerizing performance in Doubt (Believe me, I went to Catholic school for eighteen years of my life and watching her in that film gave me goosebumps.). Going into Frozen River, I was excited to see a harsh, gritty performance by one of my favorite actresses since her days on Homicide: Life on the Street. Then I watched the film. Props to Leo for her acting, but if this is a student film at best. Again, if you are going to give this long shot a chance, give a little more to chew on than human smuggling (oh, cutting edge and so controversial) and a movie that could have been totally resolved by her son getting a job.

All I'm saying is that if you are going to call yourself the Academy Awards and hold yourself in higher esteem than all other awards shows, don't lower the bar with your heart string nominations and popularity contest standards.  The biggest shame of this past year was the films such as Revolutionary Road and Snow Angels that didn't even see the light of day let alone garner as much attention as they should have. If you want to change the whole thing into the Red Carpet Film Festival where every man, woman, and child can enter whatever bat-hitting-crotch moment they recorded with their I-phone in hopes of winning that cash prize, be my guest. My advice is to go against the grain of modern everyone is a winner mentality, put on a tuxedo, give awards to films based upon their merit and evidence that they will stand the test of time along with the classics, and start acting like the fucking Oscars.  

DVD Review: Appaloosa

One actor saves this film and another one ruins it. The savior of this movie is the greatness of Viggo Mortensen. He looks the part and his character has the most appeal. The anchor that sinks this movie is the always annoying Renee Zellweger. She sticks out like a sore thumb and her botoxed face and modern dialogue just do not fit into a story that takes place in the 1880's. I even began getting irritated by Ed Harris's character because of the way he acted in her presence and pondered why he was even attracted to her. I liked Viggo and Harris as a team,but too bad they thought they had to throw her into this film. Jeremy Irons is wasted and the film is more of a love story than a western. I like the overall story, but the film suffers from a bad script. The dialogue is too modern and the story at times is not plausible and this only occurs with the love story,which is 70% of the film. I wish they would have just stuck with two lawmen dealing with a corrupt cattle barren. I know that story is tired, but with Viggo, Harris and Irons it would at least be entertaining. Lose the Love Story and add a scene of Zellweger getting stampeded in the first 5 minutes and you have a picture. The cinematography by Dean Semler is gorgeous and one of the best looking films of 2008. The gunfight scenes are top notch and realistic. Between Zellweger and bad dialogue Appaloosa was a disappointment. 3 out of 5 stars

Films Showed On Airlines Make Me Want to Puke!

I know Airlines have to show Family Films and try not
to offend anyone, especially prude mothers who live to complain about how everything corrupts their children. To me really stupid films are just as offensive as cussing and nudity. After spending a whole day in the airport yesterday all I wanted was to sit back and watch anything that is somewhat interesting. We take off and the stewardess tells us we have to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I wanted to puke and was really pissed this is what we had to watch. I will watch almost anything when I am working or on a plane, but I do have standards. It seems the last few times I have been on a plane the airline shows a film of this quality and I will read over watching this crap. I can't sleep on a airplane, but the one time I have in the last 15 years was because Fun With Dick and Jane came on and it was lights out for me. Coach Carter, Glory Road, and A Night At The Museum are films I wouldn't regularly watch,but will and have on a plane. When A film like Broken Bridges and Code Name: The Cleaner are shown it just heightens my frustration that comes with plane travel. I will just about watch anything and it really means something when I choose a book over a TV. I have had some good experiences when traveling from Europe, but 85% of the time it is total shit! I am afraid I see Bride Wars and Inkheart in my future.

Film Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire has been the sleeper hit of the awards season and has generated a buzz that makes it the little film that could. Danny Boyle is a talented filmmaker, but I have never been a huge fan of his. His film are always a great idea with style but he always sabotages himself with bad writing and horrible endings. The Beach, 28 Days Later, and Sunshine are great movies for the first hour or so and then they go Bat-Shit crazy and the 3rd act ruins the entire feature. Slumdog Millionaire is no exception. The story follows the life of a game show contestant named Jamal. Every question has something to do with Jamal's past, and we see in flashbacks Jamal, his brother Salim, and a girl named Latika grow up orphaned in the Slums of Mumbai. I like the idea that every question on the game show opens a portal to his past, it's a great new way to tell someones life story. Boyle also made a great looking film with some beautiful shots of India and the gritty look of the Slums. The lead actor Dev Patel, who plays a adult Jamal, does a really good job and you do care about what happens to him. The first problem is how every flashback deals with a tragedy and every person in his life is a bad person. It's always his mom dies, blind homeless crippled children, his brother rapes his girlfriend and many more. I felt like I was watching a Lars Von Trier film where it's never subtleties it's always extremes. I also had a problem with the Game Show Host who turns out to be evil. He gives Jamal the wrong answer in private, and when Jamal doesn't trust him and goes against him on national TV, he pretty much tells him "Are you sure it's not B? You Should Answer B." That is straight up cheating on a national broadcast. Regis would be fired and brought up on charges if he did that to a contestant. Thats not all, after the Game Show Host tries to wain Jamal into the wrong answer he has Jamal tortured by the police, claims to the Media that Jamal cheated, and less than 24 hours later everything is smoothed over and he is back on the show. That is a major and ridicules plot hole. I know India isn't America, but it's not Stalinist Russia either. I also had a problem with the love story. They had chemistry, but I just didn't care and was waiting for her to be hit by a train. Slumdog Millionaire is similar to City Of God(2002) which is far superior in every way and didn't get the accolades that Slumdog is. I may be a little harsh on this film because it is a front runner for Best Picture of the Year. It's not a bad film, but there are about 15 films this year alot better than this one. 2.5 out of 5 stars

See it again: Zodiac

We will all remember 2007 as one of the greatest years for film in our lifetime. Those of us who contribute to this blog have spent countless hours debating 'There will be Blood' against 'No Country for Old Men' and its what we live for. I've always believed that the best films ever made are ones that compel us to see them multiple times. Lately I've had the fortune of revisiting a film that should have been included on every one's 'best of' list not only for the year 2007, but for all of this decade. I remember seeing 'Zodiac' in the theater and liking it, but at the time I remember needing to see it again. Sadly that never happened and the film got lost in the shuffle of my memory banks until this month when I saw it again....and again....and again. Usually when we hear "David Fincher" images of 'Seven' and 'Fight Club' are what our movie brains show us, because they are movies which stand out on their own (Personally, 'Seven' is one of the best films I've ever seen). They both have a style and voice that distinguish themselves amongst the crowd and will always be remembered. In fact, he hasn't directed a movie that I would classify below the rating of OK, his last film falls into that category. For me, Zodiac winds up far on the other end of the scale because it is nothing short of a masterpiece. Zodiac is a brilliantly crafted film in every technical aspect and is delivered in a subtle, classic style. The real jewel of the movie, i believe, is the structure of the screenplay. Simply put, it's a chronological case study spanning 22 years put in the form of a story...no flashbacks, no narration (These aren't BAD things, it's just nice to see a movie that can pull it off by giving the audience accountability). It's up to you, the viewer, to keep up with what's going on. Every scene....almost every shot gives you something, a small advancement to the story. It's amazing how a two second cut can make me put my hands up in the air as if to cheer on the attention to the smallest detail. In a way, it can make you obsessed with the story the way Robert Graysmith was with the case. Combine these elements with a beautifully lensed picture and you've got a real work of art. Acting: Every actor in this movie deserves to be mentioned. I've always been a fan of Mark Ruffalo, the guy can morph into any character you throw at him and he absolutely shines in this role. Also, John Carroll Lynch, who I most remember as Norm Sonofa-Gunderson from 'Fargo,' is outstanding in the precious few minutes he has on screen, which is also the best scene of the movie. Surely an achievement of this magnitude should attract attention from the Academy, right? Not so much. I won't go on a rant about the academy right now, because we would be here all day. For now, I'll just say this: If you go to the Academy's website (oscar.org), in the lower left hand corner, you can search the academy's database. Type in 'Zodiac' and see what comes up. It's a fucking joke. If you've only seen this movie once, or not at all, and if you have the time (or The Movie Channel) please give it another view...or three. It will be well worth your time to reinvest in an instant classic.

Film Review: Doubt

Doubt is another Broadway play I didn't see, but really wanted too. When I heard they were making it into a movie I was a little skeptical. New characters and new story lines usually accompany a film adaptation and the heart of a story can be lost. That is not the case in this film adaptation. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this film. The steller cast delivers and John Patrick Shanley's direction is key to the success of this film. The play and the film was his through and through and I am glad the studio didn't try to get a more commercial director to direct this sensitive subject. Shanley is a experienced writer with a very few directed films on his plate. I am sure he primarily worked with the actors and let the great Roger Deakins set up and photograph this beautiful looking film. The three main actors in this film Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, and Amy Adams are all amazing and worth the price of admission. Hoffman is Father Flynn who is suspected of molesting a alienated boy named Donald Muller at their school. Hoffman is very likable and you find yourself rooting for his character throughout. Amy Adams is the naive Sister James who has suspicions of Father Flynn but is not sure if it's true or just a witch hunt. Adam's Sister James is the audiences conscience. She expresses what the viewer feels, and like the viewer caught in the middle. Streep gives one of the best performances of her career as Sister Beauvier, the head Nun and principal of the school, who attacks the problem directly without any doubt of his guilt. She is a mean spirited disciplinary who is feared by everyone and you get the feeling that her ways are outdated and she is threatened by the changes of the church.The writing is amazing and keeps the audience guessing the Fathers guilt until the very end. At the beginning I was on the Father's side as it seemed that Sister Beauivier was wanting to expose him because he was a young man who wanted change. It seems like a Witch Hunt from the beginning as Streep's character puts doubts in people's heads because of one of Father Flynn's unorthodox sermons about doubt. Sister James adds to the fire when she tells Sister Beauvier that Donald was in a private conference with Father Flynn, smelled of alcohol and acted strangely. As the story progresses you find out the church is a Boys Club that never punishes their own and that she has dealt with this situation before to no avail. The film plants seeds that shows that Sister Beauivier is doing this for all the right reasons, and not personal gain or self preservation. Sister Beauivier and James confront Father Flynn and his excuse is a believable one. You still doubt his guilt until the very end when Hoffman and Streep have a heated confrontation that is the best scene in the film. He is confused at why she finds it so easy to believe he is a child molester and her reason is because of the reaction she saw on a different boys face,William London, when he grabbed him sometime back. Flynn is shocked by this flimsy reason, but she also says she knows his past because she talked to a nun at his previous parish. Flynn is outraged because she didn't follow procedure and talk to a priest. At this point is when the viewer begins to see his guilt. Sister Beauivier went against the Boys Club Code and this causes him to call the Bishop and quit. You are still not 100% sure of his guilt until his goodbye sermon and you see William London with a smile on his face. The last scene is between Adams and Streep, and Streep tells her she lied about the nun because she knew this would confirm his guilt. Also she has discovered Father Flynn was at another school and in fact promoted and that the Monsignor did not believe her and the cycle continues. Sister Beauivier breaks down and says she now has doubts. Although she doesn't say what she doubts, it's obvious it's her faith in a religion that would allow a crime like molestation continue. Powerful one of the years best. 4 out of 5 Stars

Film Review: Frost Nixon

I have never seen the Frost/Nixon interviews and have always been fascinated by Richard Nixon. I was excited about this movie and was upset I never got around to seeing the Broadway play. The film was entertaining and I enjoyed it, but wasn't blown away by it. I know it's hard to make a film with the majority of the audience knows how it ends. It's hard to build suspense, but this was the same task that Ron Howard was faced with Apollo 13 and he hit that one out of the park. I do let it slide with Frost Nixon because there is no action and it's about a interview, not explosions in space. I think the process of getting the money together, planning and research for the interview wasn't that interesting. Michael Sheen and Frank Langella are great and anytime they are on screen together it is gold. I felt the supporting cast were cardboard cut-outs boring their way through the story. With the exception of Kevin Bacon everyone gives a average performance and are emotionless cookie cutter characters. Sam Rockwell should have been great in this, but his character is typical and does nothing memorable.
The film trailer also gives away many of the best parts and moments that should have been funny or shocking were ruined. I think Oliver Stone's Nixon is a great film and it had some influence on this movie and possibly the play. Stone's film introduces a Richard Nixon who drinks too much and sabotages himself because secretly he wants to be caught. Frost Nixon is based on fact and Stone just exploited something that already existed,but the scene where a drunk Nixon calls Frost to challenge him had a Stone Nixon feel. Ron Howard makes a good film with great performances from it's lead actors, but the interview portion writes itself. The back story should have greater importance and be more interesting, if you can't do it then shortened it and give more time to the interview and the relationship between Frost and Nixon. 3.5 out of 5

Film Picture of the Week: The Apartment(1960)

Billy Wilder's classic is one of the few films to win the Academy Award for Best Picture that was a comedy. Great movie that flows because of the genius of Jack Lemmon. This picture is from Life Magazine with Lemmon looking at his occupied apartment.